You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Excuses are like armpits… everyone has them, and they all stink!” I’m not sure who first coined this amusing analogy, but it does have some truth in it. Of course some excuses really are valid, but many just plain ‘stink.’
Whether it’s to explain why someone is late or a project isn’t finished or how that window was broken, excuses are typically a way for people to deflect blame and responsibility. But recently I was thinking of one way in which giving an excuse really is a good thing.
A few years ago, I spent many months conducting interviews as part of the research process for my book, Be An Inspirational Leader: Engage, Inspire, Empower. I was lucky enough to interview many leaders with whom I already had an established relationship, making the process a little easier. But I also interviewed a number of leaders to whom I’d never previously spoken. That made things a little more difficult, as—understandably—not everyone is willing to do an interview with someone they’ve never heard of before.
So inevitably, in the course of contacting highly successful leaders across the nation, along with the responses like “Yes, I’d be honored to be interviewed for your book,” I also received a number of “No thank you’s.”
At one point, as I was processing the various responses to my inquiries, I was struck by one particular email. While polite, this ‘No,’ came across as cold—almost caustic—and frankly, the tone was very surprising given whom the respondent represented. Now I completely understand the need to say ‘No,’ but I think even the firmest ‘No,’ can still be given with a little warmth.
And what is it that helps provide that warmth? Excuses. Let me give you a few examples from the “No’s” I received [excerpts edited slightly to maintain privacy]:
“Dear Dan, thank you for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I am simply overwhelmed with existing commitments, including writing a book. I certainly wish you the best with your book project. Best wishes…”
“Hi Dan, thank you for your request to interview Francis for your book. Unfortunately, due to developing plans…for the coming year, this will not work with his schedule. He is going to have to decline your kind invitation and hopes you understand his final decision. Blessings…”
“Dan, thanks for reaching out to Michael. Unfortunately, he won’t be able to participate in an interview, as he is preparing for a month long trip to Europe and is booked through the month of July. We wish you all the best on your book. Kind regards…”
“Dear Dan, thanks for emailing Rick and sharing about your latest book, Be An Inspirational Leader. Rick appreciates your request to interview him about his leadership experience. After a full calendar so far this year, he’s decided to devote the rest of the year focusing on his family and his church family. Please know he’s had to say “it’s not possible” to many of his closest friends.Thanks again for writing. We wish you all the best for a successful launch and release of your new book. God Bless…”
“Dan, thank you so much for taking the time to reach out to Matt and asking him to be a part of this interview. Unfortunately, he is unable to be a part, as the month of July is very packed full for him. He is honored and considered you would ask him. Hope you have a wonderful day! Blessings…”
“Hello Dan. Nice to meet you! My name is Brittany, and I am Michele’s Executive Assistant. Thank you so much for your request. Michele’s heart is always to say “yes!” However, due to her busy schedule this month and next, unfortunately she is unable to do an interview at this time… Again, thank you! It’s an honor for Michele. Sincerely…”
Even though they were saying “No,” I appreciated every one of these responses and their respective excuses, because they were honest and warm. Unlike these responses, the email that really stood out to me offered no explanations. Again, it was polite, but very cold, stiff, and formal. It definitely lacked the warmth that could so easily be added by simply providing an excuse to go along with the ‘No.’ Is an excuse required? Do they owe me an explanation? No, of course not. But taking the time to offer a small explanation—even a very general one—goes a long way toward softening the ‘No.’
So here is my Tip for Greater Success: We all have to say ‘No’ sometimes—yes, many times. But you don’t need to lob that ‘No’ at someone like a cold stone. Take the time to soften your ‘No’ with a simple explanation—because this is one time when an excuse is a good thing!
