Last week we looked at the excellent wisdom of approaching conflict with logical observation and restraint, rather than having an emotional response to whatever is said. Great advice! But much easier said than done.
“True power is restraint.” For most of us, restraint does not come naturally. In the midst of conflict when someone’s words or actions are beginning to create a strong emotional response within us, it is very, very hard to keep our emotion in check and display restraint and level-headedness in the moment.
So how do we develop greater restraint? How do we choose restraint over reaction when we’re in the heat of the moment? Here are some tips I’ve found:
- Ask questions. Ask three questions before making a statement. This requires you to pay attention to what is being said rather than focusing on your emotional inner dialogue. It also helps you better understand the other person’s perspective and approach to the matter. Lastly, it gives you time to think and gently nudges you toward self-restraint. thesimpledollar.com
- Take 3 deep breaths. “When you sense a ‘rise’ in the river of your emotions, use your body to downshift: Breathe deeply three times. Suspend all hasty judgments. Make space to think clearly so that you can choose constructive words and actions.” pairin.com
- Move past your gut reaction. Think of the first thing you want to say or do, then don’t do it. Think of the second thing you want to say or do, and also don’t do it. Then consider the third thing you’d like to say or do, and take action. Unlike your first gut reactions that likely lean toward defensiveness or retaliation, your third choice is more likely about finding a possible solution. medium.com
None of these tips are groundbreaking, but their effectiveness is found in their simplicity. Which one do you think might help you keep your emotions in check and choose self-restraint in the midst of conflict?
Reflect on these ideas, remember them, and then give them a try next time you find yourself on the verge of a strong emotional reaction!
